A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie
for five people,
promptly announces she never did care for pie.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
but mean your mother.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house,
and she said, "Get the hell off my property."
Parents were invented
to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.
If evolution really works,
how come mothers only have two hands?
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!
A mom forgives us all our faults,
not to mention one or two we don't even have.
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children
because they are more certain they are their own.
Is it Smart, is it Safe,
and would you be Proud to do it?
The mother's heart is the child's school-room.
Henry Ward Beecher
One of the very few reasons I had any respect for my mother
when I was thirteen
was because she would reach into the sink with her bare hands
- bare hands
- and pick up that lethal gunk and drop it into the garbage.
To top that, I saw her reach into the wet garbage bag
and fish around in there looking for a lost teaspoon.
Bare hands - a kind of mad courage.
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.
My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance
but understanding of illiteracy.
That some people, unable to go to school,
were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
A mother understands what a child does not say.
The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother.
What would men be without women?
Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
The most important thing a father can do for his children
is to love their mother.