Mothers

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.


Rodney Dangerfield

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie

for five people,

promptly announces she never did care for pie.

Tenneva Jordan

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
but mean your mother.


Author Unknown

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house,

and she said, "Get the hell off my property."

Joan Rivers

Parents were invented
to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.


Ogden Nash

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

Spanish Proverb

If evolution really works,
how come mothers only have two hands?


Milton Berle

It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!

Chiffon Margarine

A mom forgives us all our faults,
not to mention one or two we don't even have.


Robert Brault

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children

because they are more certain they are their own.

Aristotle

SSP


Is it Smart, is it Safe,
and would you be Proud to do it?


Robin Hartzman

The mother's heart is the child's school-room.

Henry Ward Beecher

One of the very few reasons I had any respect for my mother
when I was thirteen
was because she would reach into the sink with her bare hands
- bare hands
- and pick up that lethal gunk and drop it into the garbage.


To top that, I saw her reach into the wet garbage bag
and fish around in there looking for a lost teaspoon.


Bare hands - a kind of mad courage.


Robert Fulghum

God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.

Jewish Proverb

My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance
but understanding of illiteracy.


That some people, unable to go to school,
were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.


Maya Angelou

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Mark Twain

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.


Rodney Dangerfield

A mother understands what a child does not say.

Jewish Proverb

The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother.


Napoleon Bonaparte

What would men be without women?

Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

Mark Twain

The most important thing a father can do for his children
is to love their mother.

Author Unknown